I Want To Save You
by scrivania
Summary: UPDATED FINALLY! Weed and sex are the two things Cody uses to block out his horrible memories. It's a good thing Zack's determined to save him from himself. RATED T FOR A REASON emo!cody and mature!zack. nonslash
1. Chapter 1&2

**A/N: Maddy is still going to be in this fic, although she _should_ be a frosh in college, she's gonna be _a senior in high school_ because she needs to be in this story and there's no other way unless she coincidently goes to a college right near by and keeps her job as a candy girl. And the chances of that happening are like less than zero. So she's a senior. **

**So without further ado… **

**Chapter One..**

Zack and Cody, now sophomores in high school, were in a fight on a friday afternoon, standing in their room arguing before their mom arrived home from a singing job.

"LOOK Zack, I don't care if you never do any of the chores, you are going to do them right fucking now." Cody spitted, clearly pissed off.

"No." Zack said simply.

"I know you wanna go out and see your little jock friends and get drunk cuz it's a Friday, but you're not dumping me with the chores again."

"Where could an emo kid like you possibly have to go on a Friday night?"

"I'm not emo!"

"Come on Cody, look at yourself. You wear mostly black, tight jeans, those gay black spiky things around your wrists, and your hair (which is dyed with parts of it black, may I add) does that flippy thing that emo kids have. You listen to screamo and bands that call _themselves _emo. And I thought you were the smart one of the two of us."

Cody glared at him, knowing it was all true. "What's your point?"

Zack looked slightly confused for a moment; just a second ago he was winning the argument. "But… you've never had a problem with doing the chores before."

"That's bullshit and you know it. I've always had to do your crap for you and I'm tired of it. From now on, do your own shit. And tonight, clean my half too. It'll make up for the years of me cleaning your crap. I'll be back before mom gets home around 12:45."

Cody grabbed his black jacket off the hook and left the hotel room.

"Emo kids and their tempers…but where could he possibly have to go or do tonight?" Zack muttered to himself, but when he remembered the suspicious smell of Cody's jacket and lumpy pockets he added, "Besides smoking weed.."

He sighed, he lost this battle against Cody, now he'd have to clean the entire hotel room by himself and cancel with his plans with his friends. I guess they could get wasted next weekend, as shitty as it was to wait that long. And it looked like he'd have to be the responsible brother and talk to his brother about smoking crack. As far as he was concerned, beer was okay… but weed…no, he'd talk to Cody tomorrow as much as it killed him to sound all concerned and shit.

CZCZCZ

Cody arrived outside the Seven Eleven where he told he would meet… whatshername. The hott one—with the nice rack… Shannon (oh wait, he did her last week), Sally, Suzie…that was it, Suzie.

When he saw the redhead approaching he smirked at her and gave a small nod of his head. Tonight was gonna be one wicked night. He just had to be back by 12:45…so it would be a quickie, although a well worthwhile fuck.

Suzie's parents were out for the weekend, meaning the whole house to themselves after they arrived at her house. Obviously, Cody started to get to work right away, and while kissing Suzie up against a wall in her room, he started to unhook her bra. She moaned in his mouth. Yes, this would be one amazing night, he heard that she was kinky. Maybe he could even get her in the shower…

CZCZCZ

The front door slammed and Zack looked up. There was Cody, standing with a smirk on his face, and strangely enough, with dripping wet hair. It definitely wasn't raining.

"Where the fuck were you, mom's gonna be home any second."

"So you were worried about your lil twin brother?"

"No!...Why is your hair wet?"

"Wouldn't you like to know."

"Yea, I would actually. Out smoking more weed?"

"Not this time." Cody said this with such an icy tone that Zack was taken aback. He expected Cody to deny smoking weed at all.

The conversation was interrupted by the unlocking of the door meaning only one thing. Mom was home.

CZCZCZ

Carrie and a guest entered the hotel room. He was a man, around the age she was and they were standing by the entrance.

"Zack, Cody, you remember Steve Lawenda, don't you?"

At the mention of this name, Zack and Cody turned from their position on the living room couch and looked towards the man. Cody's face changed to a bitter hatred and then just to a blank, emotionless look. Only an onlooker looking closely would have seen this. And luckily, Zack noticed.

"You didn't like this guy, did you?" Zack whispered in Cody's ear.

"No, I didn't. At all." He muttered back.

"Yes, we remember you Mr. Lawenda." Zack said to Steve.

"Please! Call me Steve, I've told you a million times. Of course that was about two and a half years ago, wasn't it?"

Steve was dating Carrie around two and half years ago, until his job transferred him to another city, but now, his job transferred him back to Boston.

"Yes!" Carrie chimed in. "I can't believe that your job allowed you to transfer back to Boston. I'm glad you gave me a call so we could go out tonight. I haven't been on a quality date like that in a while."

"Glad I could be of help. So madam," Steve lowered his lips playfully to Carrie's hand. "I do hope we can meet again, and soon."

"Of course we can! Just like we were dating before your job moved you."

"Well in that case…" Steve gave Carrie a chaste kiss on the lips.

Cody was watching with intensity and when Steve kissed Carrie, he turned away and muttered to Zack, "I'm going to bed."

"But-" Zack started. He wanted to finish this conversation about Cody's weed problem. He heard the bathroom door slam. It was a lost cause.

So, he turned to his mother and her old boyfriend Steve and engaged in a conversation with the two. _He_ never saw anything wrong with Steve, he didn't know why Cody hated him so much.

CZCZCZ

**Chapter Two. I decided to include both chapters since the first is so short. i know, im such a good person **

Although Cody had such a great hook-up with Suzie, he had an awful time trying to sleep while his mom, Zack, and Steve's voices floated through Cody's door from the living room and into the darkened bedroom where Cody lay. It was just Steve's presence again that made him so uneasy... and brought back so many horrible memories.

Xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo FLASHBACK

Thirteen year old Cody was sitting watching the history channel when he still wore one of his dorky button-down shirts, not the emo attire he wore today, when Steve entered the hotel room. He had just started dating Carrie a few weeks ago.

"Mom's not here right now, she'll be back maybe in three hours. She's performing tonight, didn't she tell you?" He said in a perfectly cheerful voice.

"Yes, she did tell me." He sat down right next to Cody and started rubbing his shoulder. Cody gave him a confused look.

Steve reached for the buttons of Cody's shirt, and Cody jerked away.

"What are you doing!" He asked.

"Shhh, it's okay."

"What are you talking about? You're unbuttoning my shirt!"

And then Steve's demeanor suddenly changed. "Just do as I say kid, and you won't get hurt. Now take off your shirt."

Cody didn't move. Steve backhanded him –hard- across the face.

"I _said _boy, take off the damn shirt!"

"Alright, alright!" Cody said, slightly scared. Cody's shirt was off, while Steve undid his own pants.

"You learned what 'giving head' is, right Cody?"

Thirteen year old Cody's eyes widened and he took a step back. He did, indeed, learn what it was, but he never imagined... this. Maybe somewhere hidden in his mind was a faint desire involving him and some cute girl... but definitely not this.

"Come here kid." Steve said. Cody shook his head. Steve slapped him, extremely hard this time, making Cody's eyes water. But Cody didn't move, so he punched, slapped, him until finally, Cody finally gave in, tears forming in his eyes, and not just because of the pain of being hit. "Fine."

"That's a good boy... I knew you would."

Xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Now, sixteen year old Cody punched his pillow hard. He knew what happened next in his memories, and what Steve had taken from him...

It was that night and many, countless nights with the same repeated horrible events that thirteen year old Cody lived in constant fear of Steve coming through the door when he was all alone, because Steve normally did... and then Steve moved away. But Cody still had his innocence ripped from him again and again. Cody was left with the thought of "who really gives a shit?"- his new motto.

Who gives a shit that he fucked about 20 girls so far? (Each one multiple times). His virginity was gone thanks to Steve, taken from him (over and over again) in the worst way possible, and he couldn't 'wait' for the special someone, which was his original plan before Steve came. Zack never knew about Steve's abuse, so Cody didn't tell him that he fucked countless girls either. Cody figured Zack didn't ever need to know. About anything. About his life. They hardly spoke anymore.

Who gives a shit if he smoked weed? It seemed like his life was falling apart already, before he even tried his first joint. He grades were dropping because he couldn't concentrate because of Steve, he was already the insecure, smaller, sensitive twin who sucked at sports, and now that his good grades- his only distinction from Zack, were failing, what was he? Just some depressed kid with hardly any friends? The loser version of the popular jock Zack?

Who gives a shit about the smiley face burns he made on the inside of his arms with his favorite lighter when he was feeling even more cynical than usual... and no one has noticed them yet- even while Cody wore short sleeves and it's been half a year. Half a FUCKING year and no one noticed his pain. It just felt good to conflict pain _he_ could control. Not Steve, not anyone but him. Yes, it was ironic that he was burning smiley faces into his skin, but that's how he liked it.

And Cody was _just_ getting over the incidents with Steve before tonight, blocking it out of his memories. Of course he still was in depression and was addicted to sex with random girls and weed, but the horrible memories would've faded over time... _until Steve walked through the door tonight._

Back in the present time, Steve's laughter echoed from the living room to Cody's eardrums, and he punched his pillow again. He didn't even realize that angry tears leaked from his eyes. He finally sat curled up with his arms wrapped around his knees staring into the darkness and his memories, as the tears continued to slowly drip from his face.

CZCZCZ

Zack opened the door to his and Cody's bedroom, and as he closed it he glanced at Cody and saw him hastily wiping tears off his face. _What was UP with him these days? _Or even...the past year...or maybe even longer. Crap, he didn't even know his own brother anymore. Not like he did when he was twelve.

He pretended to not see Cody wiping his face from tears, and went to get ready for bed, wishing that he could figure out what the fuck was wrong with Cody and MOVE ON with his own life without having the harp on thoughts of his brother.

**Okay, so think of it as a twofer. im pretty sure that i wont ever combine two chapters again. ill have to recheck my story for any other short chapters. its already almost completely written. **

since i was soo nice and gave TWO chapters...perhaps you guys could review and tell me what you thought of it? THANK YOU SO MUCH xoxoxo

Karen


	2. Chapter 3

**hey guys! here's chapter three. but i just want to say something i've realized. okay, all of you that have a story that involves rape or drugs or cutting and not getting a lot of reviews... i figured out that not everyone likes that type of superangsty type of story. it was such a revelation i had, when i was trying to figure out my lack of reviews (since this is my favorite story ive typed so far). and because my story is rated T. ;)**

**Chapter Three **

"Cody, get up you lazy ass, we have to go to that prison they call school. Praise Jesus that it's ending in half a year months! You should be happy."

Cody awoke, sleepy. He didn't get very much sleep last night, replaying the memories of Steve. "I'm up." He said eventually.

"Yo, what do you want for breakfast?" Zack called from the kitchen as Cody was getting changed.

"Not hungry" Cody replied.

"So now you're anorexic? You have issues emo kid."

"I'm just not hungry Zack, is that so hard to believe?"

"I guess not...shit Cody, you woke up mom!"

"Whatever, she'll live. Let's go." The two grabbed their backpacks and left for school.

CZCZCZ

In the cafeteria during lunch, Cody was walked by Zack and his cocky asshole best friend Kyle, while on his way to his table of other misfits besides himself.

"Ooooh Cody! Emo kid, will you do me tonight?" Kyle mockingly said to him, following the stereotype that because emo guys wear tight pants it means they're homo.

Cody rolled his eyes. "Shut the fuck up Kyle."

"What if I don't want to shut up? What will you do, cry on me? Complain how much your life sucks, how you slit your wrists and want to die?"

"You'd think that line would get old after two years Kyle."

"Nope, it's still funny, because it's true. I bet you also fantasize fucking your own brother, and smoke so much dope to forget about your 'little problems' and try to drink away your pathetic depression."

"I SAID, Adam, shut up." Cody repeated.

"Yo, Adam, stop" Zack muttered quietly to Adam. Adam, however, ignored Zack and continued.

"I bet you and your little emo friends sit around Friday nights crying and slicing your wrists open together, complaining how you can't get a girl so you settle with fucking each other."

By now, Cody was severely pissed, more than usual due to his crappy night.

"So, do you cry every time you play a Hawthorne Heights album? Do you write poetry in the middle of the night about how you want to die?. You cut your wrists, but you don't have the guts to kill yourself, even though you know _no one cares if you're gone_. I can picture you wanting to fuck older gothic men, like the band My Chemical Romance. OH! Or even better, I can picture you wanting to fuck little boys. Is that what you do on Friday nights? Ass-rape poor little innocent boys? I bet—"

Adam was stopped by a fist colliding with his jaw with a sickening crunch. He screamed in pain, and Zack looked at his brother in amazement. Cody NEVER hit anyone, so where did THAT come from? And how the HELL did he get such an amazing punch? He wished he could hit a guy like that if he ever needed to.

Adam, finally stood up again and said (with difficulty), "Is that what you want punk? A fight? Well, that's what you've got." He spit a large amount of blood out onto the ground from Cody's punch.

Adam punched Cody, but not hard enough to do damage, so Cody took a swing at him again and busted his head with a punch that had "black eye" written all over it.

Max, now a very attractive girl, (but still tomboyish) was watching the fight with interest, until she saw a teacher approaching.

"Yo, guys? I might wanna break it up, teacher's coming."

The two stepped away from one another, and Adam growled, "We'll finish this later. I'm not done with you."

Cody replied, "Yeah? Well after two years of taking your crap, I'm through with you."

Cody gave a final glare around the cafeteria, but paused to wink at Max (he had fucked her not too long ago) and left the lunch room and out of the school in the sending out pissed out vibes to anyone who looked at him.

"Shit" Zack muttered, and went to follow him out the doors, not knowing where Cody could be headed. This couldn't be good. This couldn't be good at all.

CZCZCZ

**A/N: okay i just realized looking over all the chapters that they are all pretty short, so i guess ill just update more often. as long as you all review ;**

**xxx**


	3. Chapter 4

**A/N: ive been getting a few reviews about language and stuff...well its rated T for a reason. i personally dont curse that much, but in my mind, cody does in this story, so i add it to make it more real. **

**In case there are squeamish readers, let me tell you that my story has: rape, drugs, language, sex, self harm...basically everything. except slash/incest.**

**Youve been warned. Read on if you want!**

**PS. i realized i forgot to change adam to kyle on the second half of the chapter. hes just one person. sorry to those i confused.**

**Chapter Four**

Cody didn't care that he was horrible at gym, and running in general, he was too filled with adrenaline to notice that he was sprinting all 2 miles back to the Tipton. He went up to his suite, sweating, but not once did he start crying. He decided- last night was the last time he would cry, especially because of Steve.

He quickly opened the door, and went straight for his jacket hanging on the hook, the one with his weed and his lighter in it. If anytime was a time to get high, it was now. But he heard a noise in the kitchen – crap, mom must be home...

But _Steve_ walked through the door instead. "Cody!" He said, delighted. "It's been too long since our little visits!"

Cody abruptly stiffened, and his jaw hardened. His one arm, however, was still blindly searching his jacket pockets for a joint and lighter.

"Really Steve? It seems like just yesterday." He said in a forced calm.

Steve went towards Cody.

"Don't take one more fucking step, Steve. You aren't going to get _anything_ from me, you sick bastard. I may have been only thirteen and defenseless then, but now I will fight back. I'm not scared of you anymore."

"Oho! Was that some curse words I heard you use? My my, you _are_ growing up. I noticed that you changed your look to a more depressed gothic look. It's all because you missed our little visits when I left, isn't it?"

"**You fucking ruined my life!** I know you're arrogant enough to believe that it was all because of you, but you pushed me over the edge. I was already insecure enough, and then you come along, and Zack stayed more mature, yet naïve of real life, and completely unaffected... But I guess it wasn't because of you that I started smoking weed, no that was all me. Although I don't think I would have started fucking girls if you hadn't rap— "

Cody stopped his rant... he never said that he was raped out loud before. Saying it would make if official, make it a reality, not just some nightmare he hasn't woken up from. Like he was spinning around and around, and he saw the real world passing him by, but he couldn't stand still long enough to re-grasp his life. So he kept falling father and farther than where he wants to be, from where he used to be two and a half years ago.

Steve took a menacing step closer. "If I hadn't what? Raped you? Because that isn't the truth. I know you liked it."

"You are freaking _delusional_. I never fucking ONCE liked it. I hated it, every time. Why else do you think I'm so screwed up now?"

"If you tell anyone about our meeting two years ago—"

"I wouldn't. Who would want to admit to being a grown man's bitch when they were thirteen? If I can help it, I'm taking it to the grave. I believe the door is this way, you can show yourself out."

Steve suddenly lunged for him with a lustful look in his eyes. "Not without seeing your creamy pale skin again, against mine. And this time, you have muscles rippling across your arms and hands, which you used to use so skillfully..."

"WHAT THE HELL! GET the FUCK off me!" Cody shoved him off forcefully, and just in time too. Because Zack finally caught up to Cody from school and just opened the door just in time to Steve and Cody glaring at one another.

"What's going on here?"

Cody answered coldly. "Steve was just leaving." Steve saw no alternative but to leave the apartment. So Cody won the fight. This time. He'd get Cody to fall for him, and do those things he made him do, two years ago...

CZCZCZ

Cody needed to smoke a joint now more than ever. He didn't care that he was in the middle of the living room, or that Zack was right there... he needed it. He needed to feel high, to let his memories escape him.

He fumbled with his jacket and finally pulled out the joint and lit it, right in front of Zack and inhaled shakily. He could smoke, but he would not cry. Crying is for the weak.

"Cody! What are you doing!?" Zack gasped, refering to the weed in his brother's hands.

"Taking ballet lessons." Cody said sarcastically.

"But... in the middle of the suite, and you shouldn't be smoking anyways."

"Why thank you, saint brother Zackary."

"I'm serious."

"So am I."

"What happened...back at school... with Adam? That punch kicked ass."

"I was fucking tired of Kyle insulting me. All because _his _life is perfect—"

"Your life is exactly like mine. The only difference is that you smoke weed and refuse to talk to anyone." Zack said. "Except I'm clearly the more awesome twin." He added, jokingly.

"Yeah... whatever." Cody responded. Zack didn't need to know the truth. Cody could tell that Zack wouldn't want to know why Cody was acting the way he was. And plus, it was too disgusting to think of Steve and him when he was thirteen.

"But Adam—"

"Drop it okay? You don't want me to be getting pissed again, and irrational, and I might do something I might regret."

"Alright alright... but the wink at Max? MY girlfriend?"

"Your gir-?"

"Yes. Since a month ago. Now what was that about?"

"I err—made out with her." The truth would be much worse. Let him believe it was just innocent kissing, no passionate loving making. And Zack still didn't know about all the other one night stands with other girls.

"WHAT?!"

"Yea... sorry...she came up to me... and started kissing me and stuff, and she wanted..." Cody couldn't say 'sex' because he just told Zack he hadn't done it with Max. "..Errr-- more kissing."

"I'm not an idiot, what the fuck were you really going to say?"

Cody was getting mad again. "You wanna know what I was gonna say?"

"YEA" Zack was pissed off too.

"Fine, she came up to ME, and kissed ME, so SHE started it, we fucked, multiple times, multiple nights, in her parent's bed, may I add, but SHE started it. So don't go freaking pinning the blame on me!"

"You were so desperate for a lay that you fucked MY girlfriend?? We're only sophomores; you know... you didn't have to go FUCK her! Most guys are virgins until college but never admit it. Hell, I am too... but to lose your virginity to Max..."

"I didn't."

"You fucked OTHER guy's girlfriends? How many Cody? How many guys did you screw over by taking their girlfriends because you wanted to get some? Are you really THAT desperate, and can't get a girl the normal way? Do you get them drunk first? How could you do that to me? I thought I could count on you for at least something!"

Cody started to grab random clothes out of his bedroom closet and stuffing them into a duffle bag, while taking a drag from his joint, ignoring what Zack said. He headed for the door.

"Cody, how many girls did you take from their boyfriends?"

"None had boyfriends, that I know of... unless... Zoey... but I don't think she was dating Brian then..."

"Zoey?" Zack gaped. She was one hot piece of ass. And a senior. "So we're talking like _ten _girls or something?" Ten was an impressive number.

Cody turned away, back to the door, opening it. "More than double that," he said, miserably, in a soft voice that said that he regretted every night. But he just couldn't help himself, he had to block out his pain somehow.

Zack mouthed _Holy shit _to himself, but as much as he hated to admit it, he was impressed. Looking at Cody, he quickly asked, "Where do you think you're going?"

"I'm leaving. Hence the bag with clothes?? **I just don't give a_ FUCKING SHIT_ anymore.**"

"Wait- where are you going to?"

"I don't even _know_. I just... can't stay here anymore" Cody said, riled, and ready to cry. But he wouldn't –that's the important thing. He had to leave, memories of Steve, his joints, his burns on his arms, Zack, Max and other girls, and his mom, they all were too powerful and suffocating him... he went to open the door, but Zack grabbed his arm to stop him, and for the first time, noticed what was on Cody's arm.

"What the hell is on your arms? Burns? In the shape of smiley faces? That's really messed up." Zack said.

"They've been there for over six months, thanks for just noticing now." Cody said coldly. "I've been using my favorite lighter and burning myself."

Although startled by that, Zack decided not to show it, so he said in a half teasing voice, "You need help."

Cody responded to him with,

"I know."

And he abruptly turned away, closing the door to the suite, leaving Zack. He didn't know where he could go, but that wasn't even important. He just had to leave, he had to leave all his problems behind.

CZCZCZ

**A/N: tell me what you think!!**

xxxKaren


	4. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5 **

Cody stood outside the hotel in the dusk, going over the list of girls who wouldn't mind if he stayed the night at their place—as long as he slept with them first as a payment to them. But he didn't really know any of them personally except Max... but now that she was dating Zack, that screwed everything up for him.

It was a time like this that Cody was reminded that he really didn't have anyone to turn to when there was a serious problem. Zack had friends that he could call anytime he wanted. Sometimes Cody wished that Steve chose Zack to go after, not him that night... _get that thought OUT of my head. That's a terrible thought... wishing my own twin brother to go through what I did... _

Suddenly, Maddie exited the hotel, hailing a cab. _He was saved. _

"Yo Maddie!"

Maddie turned to look at Cody, almost not recognizing him at first. Although its been almost two years since Cody started dressing more emo, but she still didn't recognize him right away. It seemed odd to her how he changed his clothing style from prep so abruptly. Also, the fact that her and Cody haven't talked for quite a while now.

"Yeah Cody?"

"Uhh.. I know this is odd, but can I stay at your place tonight?"

Maddie's parents were off having a second honeymoon this week, of all weeks. But she didn't want to say yes quite yet. She heard of Cody's rep, of being a druggie, and have slept around with countless girls.. he wouldn't take advantage of her, would he? After all, he was stronger and taller than her now...

"Can't you stay at a friend's house?"

He laughed bitterly. "What friends?"

Maddie sighed. "Alright, you can stay. But one night only." Who was she kidding? This was Cody, the same boy she knew for three years. He wouldn't do anything to her, no matter his reputation. He was still only fifteen.

"Thanks so much!"

"No problem. My parents are out of town. I'll hail a cab"

"That would be great."

CZCZCZ

Zack sat on the living room couch, in thought. It was beginning to be too much to handle.

He thought it would only be a simple thing, maybe Cody was pressured into smoking weed, and he, Zack the Hero, would convince him to stop immediately, and that would be the end of Cody's problems. But deep down, Zack knew it was much different than that. The clothes Cody wore were proof enough, dressing in black, the most depressing color? People didn't dress like that if they were perfectly happy.

And then... those girls he slept with. Over twenty freaking girls. TWENTY!! And Max, _HIS_ girlfriend was one of them! Zack had always thought he was more experienced than his brother, for feeling up a girl once. Getting to second base. Which he thought was perfectly reasonable for a fifteen year old. So this was a little surreal to him.

But not as surreal as the burns on Cody's arms. The image would forever be etched into his head. The smileys on his brother's pale arms that Cody heartlessly burned there, probably until they started bleeding. Zack knew how much a small burn from a pan on the oven hurt, but to willingly put a lighter to your own flesh would be unbelievably painful... _and in the shape of smileys, too. _There was no doubt that those dark cynical burns would be on Cody's arms forever. And with a guilty thought, Zack remembered Cody saying , _"They've been there for over six months, thanks for just noticing now" _Did he, Zack really block out his brother, not caring, that much, not to notice dark burns on his own TWIN brother's arms for an entire six months? _While he was wearing short sleeves, too. _Fuck, he was a horrible brother. Cody needed help and he wasn't there to give it.

But WHY did Cody need help? He was actually the more upbeat brother of the two of them up until a couple years ago. Then everything changed, and now Cody was gone. Literally. He ran away from home. Well, hotel, really, but the concept was the same- that Zack failed Cody as a brother. But, Zack vowed to himself, he would help Cody. He would figure out what was bothering him so much to cause him to burn—well he didn't like to think about everything too much. It made his head hurt. Zack just KNEW that the answer was so blatantly obvious... but yet... he couldn't put the pieces together in his head. But he had to. For Cody.

And the rattling of keys at the door reminded him of yet another problem. _How did he tell mom that Cody ran away? _

CZCZCZ

Cody and Maddie were sitting, with all honesty, quite close on Maddie's family room couch, watching a movie.

"This movie sucks ass," Maddie remarked, staring at the screen of two lovers whispering sweet nothings in each other's ears.

"Agreed."

Maddie voiced something she was wondering the whole evening. "Is it true? Your rep, I mean. That you're a druggie and slept with half the school?"

Cody turned away, he really didn't want to deal with this right now. "Not exactly HALF the school.."

"I never would've thought... you to turn out that way. You were Cody Martin, nerd and geek extraordinaire, a little klutzy, yes, but you were happy... what happened?"

He shrugged. "I don't want to talk about it." He said softly.

Maddie noticed his change in demeanor, oddly enough. Most boys liked to brag about how far they got with a girl. So, she thought a bit of flirting would cheer him up.

"Hey Cody?" He turned to look at Maddie.

"You wanna kiss me like you did to half the girls in the school? I hear that you're the best kisser in the school." Surprising even herself, leaned over to him, and captured Cody's lips with her own.

_Damn!_ She thought, _those girls were right about him being a good kisser._ _So they're probably right about all the **other** amazing skills he has. Well, _she thought. _Maybe I should find out for myself... _

CZCZCZ

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	5. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6 **

Maddie was awoken by the sound of the doorbell, and surprised, found Cody lying in her bed next to her, his arm wrapped around her. Maddie hastily realized she was naked, so wrapped sheets around her before she got up to answer the door.

Cody sat up too. She looked at him, and noticed a black inked tattoo on his chest that she hadn't noticed last night. It was some Chinese symbol.

"If it's Zack, I was never here. I should be going, in case he does show up." He grabbed boxers off the floor, and his clothes, and packed up.

"Alright, I'm gonna answer the door. You can leave out of the fire escape if you need to through my window."

Cody nodded.

Maddie opened the door to, of course, Zack.

"Hey Zack."

He took one look at her, wrapped up hastily in a sheet from the bed and said. "Damn Maddie, you slept with him, didn't you?"

"I-I don't know what you mean."

"Cody. I had a hunch that he would ask you to sleep here last night... but at the time I didn't know he literally would SLEEP here."

"IT just... HAPPENED." Maddie said defensively.

More for his own musings, Zack said, "Cody initiated sex though, right? He pressured you or something?"

Knowing it would be pointless to lie, she said, "Actually... no. You've got it backwards."

Zack looked surprised. Maybe Cody wasn't as desperate as he thought. Just then, Maddie heard a loud noise coming from the bedroom, or more accurately, out her window. Cody made it out safely. But then she frowned to herself. She never got to ask Cody WHY he needed to stay at her place, and why he was avoiding Zack...

Zack sighed. "That was him, wasn't it? He just left, out of a fire escape or something? And by the time I get down there... he'll be gone. And now I have NO fucking idea where he'll go. This is just great. I already had to cover for him with mom, telling her that he slept over one of his 'friend's' houses. I didn't have the heart to tell her that he left."

Maddie asked, "Why did Cody leave, anyways?"

"I'm not sure EXACTLY why, except he was depressed as shit... but ends don't really match up. So I'm trying to find him and get an answer out of him. But I might as well go home, I don't know where he'll go, what slut's house he'll go to... so, bye Maddie."

"Bye Zack! OH—and I hope you find out what's wrong with Cody!" she called down the hall to him as he left.

CZCZCZ

Meanwhile, Cody got off the fire escape without accidentally slipping and falling three stories, and now was left with the task, yet again, of figuring out where to go to avoid life in general, but mostly Zack, who would try and bring him home- _where Steve was_. And yet again, he was drawing a blank. The only person he could think of was Max, but the reasons from yesterday were still there.

Zack's girlfriend. And plus, Zack would look there for him first. But yet... he had no where to go. And Cody WOULDN'T go home, admitting defeat to both Zack and Steve. He just wouldn't put himself in that situation again, where he couldn't get out of it, although, he reminded himself, it was wayyyy too late for that, as he absentmindedly felt around for a joint in his jacket.

So he went to the nearest pay phone and put in a couple coins. "Hello? Max? This is Cody." He took a huge drag of the joint. Although he fucked the brains out of Maddie last night, there was nothing to relieve depression like his good ole joints.

"I was wondering if I could stay over your house tonight...No, not for sex, I just don't want to go home...does it matter why?... I can be over in like fifteen minutes, is that good?... alright, see you then."

An elderly woman walking by Cody on the street, looked at Cody, smoking a joint, talking about having sex on the phone, dressed all in black- complete with a piercing in his left ear and black streaks in his hair, and in her opinion, as a trouble maker, she scowled at him and sighed. _Youth today_, they had absolutely no morals these days.

Cody hung up the phone, ignoring the woman's looks. He got that a lot. But at least he had a place to stay for the night... as long as Zack didn't go over to Max's.

CZCZCZ

Zack sat, depressed, watching TV like he did for the entire day, and now the entire night, wondering what he would tell mom when Cody didn't come home. He was SO close to finding him, and yet... Cody slipped out of his grasp. Zack idly flipped through the channels in the suite when someone opened the door.

It was Steve, with a humungous smile on his face, and he was drunk.

CZCZCZ

**A/N: ooh a cliff hanger!! lolol well id just like to inform u all that my favorite chapter is coming up (chapter 8). so the more the reviews, the faster ill update. thats just how i roll. **

**PS im sorry this chapter is short. AND for not posting it when i planned to, but my document manager was acting up again. that thing causes so many problems...**

**well read&&review!**


	6. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

Zack looked at Steve, who had a bottle of vodka in his hand, still grinning stupidly at him.

"Cody?" He said squinting at him.

"Uh... no, this is Zack."

"Oh." Steve looked a little sad, but then brightened again. "Well, one twin is as good as the other."

"What do you mean, 'one twin is as good as the other'?" Zack asked.

"Oh, you'll find out in just a minute. You'll be so jealous of Cody, because he's had these little _sessions_ for YEARS before you did." Steve's voice was slurred.

Zack narrowed his eyes suspiciously. "Sessions?"

Steve, however, ignored him, and sat right next to Zack. He whispered in the teenaged boy's ear. "You're just as cute as your brother is... You wanna get it on?"

"Fuck no!" Zack said, standing up.

Steve sighed sadly, the way only a drunk man could. "Figures. This is why I chose Cody, not you. You're stronger than him. Especcially a few years ago, you'd be so surprised how well he responded to a slap or punch. It was kinky. He liked it though. I could tell."

Steve put a hand on Zack's chest, and made to undo the buttons on his shirt, but Zack shoved his hand away.

Zack was seeing red. No, it was beyond red. He grabbed Steve by the throat. "YOU MEAN TO TELL ME, THAT YOU RAPED CODY WHEN HE WAS ONLY FRIGGING TWELVE YEARS OLD?"

Steve giggled, as he dropped the bottle of vodka. "Rape is such a STRONG word, don't you think?"

Zack turned away, releasing Steve, muttering a string of curses under his breath. It all made sense now. Two years ago... Cody started changing. And he hated Steve. And Cody crying to himself in his room the night that Steve came back a few days ago, and punching Kyle when he said Cody ass-raped little boys... AND when Cody and Steve were alone, right before Cody decided to run away... FUCK! Steve must've tried something again, after two and a half years. That must've been why Cody left.

Shit, Zack was the worst brother in the world. He didn't even notice, or care enough why his brother was depressed for over TWO fucking YEARS. He never questioned why his brother cried at night... Zack hated himself for it. Cody was the more sensitive twin, so of course this would have a big impact on him. Zack ALMOST wished that it happened to him, not Cody... just so Cody wouldn't have had to endure this torture he put himself through these last few years.

And Zack figured that THAT was why Cody fucked all those girls. He probably figured it didn't matter what he did anymore, since no one gave a shit about the weaker twin Cody who let himself get raped... even though Zack knew it wasn't true.

Zack knew that he _NEEDED_ to find his little brother, _right NOW_. He needed to tell him that he cared about him, that he knew what happened to him and he was sorry it did happen, that he now understood why he did the things he does, and most of all, _that he loves him._

**A/N: i just realized now that the last few chapters are pretty short... but the next chapter coming up is really long... oh well. its my favorite chapter yet. it deserves to be long. **

**Review Please!!!**


	7. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8 **

**Short A/N: I was going to upload this story like 5 days ago and im sorry, but i kept forgetting. who can blame me, with christmas, and new years parties (and hang overs) then back to school (which sucks). well, my point is, ive finally updated, and to make it up to you, its long(ish) and my favorite chapter so far. **

Zack looked at his watch. Ten o'clock. Cody wasn't at the Seven Eleven, or any of the stores nearby. He wasn't at Maddie's house, and by now, Zack wondered why he was still looking. Cody didn't want to be found, so he wouldn't be. What Zack really needed to do was talk to Max, and see where their relationship stood, ever since he found out about her and Cody. And maybe, JUST maybe, Cody would be there. After all... Cody used to actually be friends with Max.

Zack stepped off the city bus closest to Max's apartment, and knocked on Max's door.

"Hello?" Max opened the door to see Zack. "Oh, hey baby!" She gave him a kiss. "Now's not really a good time, sorry Zack!" She said in an attempt to get him to leave.

He looked at her closely, "because Cody's here?"

Zack, opened the door, and noticed that in the kitchen, was a dinner for two, but no one was there besides Max. Zack knew that Max's parents worked late, and usually went out on weekends... and weekdays. Leaving Max to fend for herself, but she always managed.

"Look Max, I really need to speak to Cody. It's important."

"Since when did you have heart to heart talks with your brother? And how did you know he was here?"

"I know my twin brother... and I don't know where else he could be, I've checked all the places he goes, that I know of."

Max sighed. "He's in the bathroom."

CZCZCZ

Cody was sitting on the ledge of the bathtub in the locked bathroom, hiding from Zack. He had told Max to deny him ever being here... but he should've known better that Max would give in to her beloved boyfriend.

He heard a knock on the door.

"Cody? It's Zack."

"I kind of figured that."

"Can I come in?"

"Umm, let me think, no. I've been avoiding everyone for the past two days- that should give you a message loud and clear that I DON'T want to talk to you."

"I realize that, but..." Zack's voice suddenly went a lot softer. "Cody... I know what happened."

Zack heard the click of a lock, and then the door opened a crack, and Cody's eye appeared.

Cody was glaring at him. "Specify what you just said."

"Umm... two years ago..." Zack glanced nervously at Max, who was standing in the kitchen looking curiously at the twins, before whispering, "Steve ra-"

Cody suddenly pulled his brother into the bathroom, suddenly angry at Zack. "So you looked all over Boston to rub it in my face? To say that I was too weak to get Steve off of me? And that you are YET AGAIN the better twin?"

Zack was startled. "I- no!! I came to tell you that I knew... and that... I understood or something. I dunno... but.."

"Very touching. I'd appreciate it if you left now, thank you."

"I don't BELIEVE it!" Zack said, outraged. "I go looking all around the city to go find you and tell you that I'm sorry that it happened to you, and for mocking you for changing and shit... and THIS is my thank you?"

His brother faked a look of concentration before saying, "Pretty much."

"I guess I won't be helping _you_ anytime soon."

"Thank you. Because if it hadn't occurred to you, I don't want comfort, or sympathy, or anyone really knowing. I've dealt with it by myself for this long, I can cope in the future as well."

"By smoking weed and fucking girls?? Yeah, REAL smooth way of dealing with problems. And the cute little burns on your arms, I'm surprised they don't put you in a mental ward—"

Zack abruptly stopped, seeing the hurt look on his brother's face. He had taken it too far. "I'm sorry man, I wasn't thinking—"

"Go to Hell. I'd like to be left ALONE. So leave now. Oh and Zack?"

Zack turned around from the door with a questioning look on his face towards Cody.

"Fuck you." Cody finalized. Zack bit his lip and nodded. So that's how Cody wanted it. He left the bathroom. He needed to talk to Max about their relationship anyways.

CZCZCZ

Cody sat thinking... maybe he was a bit too harsh on his brother. I mean, he did come to help him, but it was just so AKWARD with him knowing about Steve..._raping _him. Touching him, forcing him to do things...He really shouldn't have taken his anger out on his brother... he supposed he would have to apologize... and he really did feel stupid sitting in his brother's girlfriend's bathroom when his brother and Max were probably having a conversation about his little temper tantrum, or worse, making out.

CZCZCZ

"Max? Umm... I know that we've been dating for a couple months, and I just found out about you and Cody." Zack started to Max.

She had a horrorstruck look on her face. "Oh Zack! I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to... and you really weren't giving me any, so I went to your brother. I heard about his reputation, and he looks just as good as you, so I could picture you instead of him... I only did that three times, but I felt SO guilty that I stopped."

"You stopped... and haven't, you know, with anyone else?"

"No Zack, no one. I can't TELL you how sorry I am, and if you stay with me I promise I won't cheat on you ever again!"

Zack looked at Max. She looked so cute, with a pleading look on her face. He closed his eyes before answering. "Alright, we're still together."

Max squealed with joy and pressed her lips to his. After a few minutes, Zack heard the bathroom door opening. He broke apart from Max, so he could catch Cody before he left Max's house and vanished yet again.

"Max, as much fun as I'm having, I really need to talk to my brother. Yes, AGAIN. It sort of didn't go as I expected last time."

"Alright." Max went to the kitchen to wash the dirty dinner dishes.

Zack walked in the bathroom, before Cody could make his get away.

Zack and Cody stood there, looking at each other, in a moment of silence, before Zack went and sat down at the edge of the tub. Silently, Cody followed.

The older twin took a deep breath, and although it was painful for Zack to say it, it needed to be done. For Cody. Right now it was all about Cody. Not about Max, not about Cody's wrongdoings involving Max, or Maddie, or any girls, or the drugs. What DID matter was Cody, and making sure that he would be alright.

"I'm sorry." Zack finally voiced. "I'm sorry for not being there. I should've asked. I should've been concerned when you got depressed. I should've—"

"I get it. You're sorry." Cody answered gruffly, looking the other way, picking some imaginary lint off a towel. Tears were welling up in his eyes. He tried unsuccessfully to blink them away.

Cody spoke again, still facing the towel, tears threatening to fall out. His voice was quiet. "I—I don't like anyone knowing what happened. It was the worst time of my life, when Steve was there... touching me, and making me... do things. I wanted to tell you, honest, but I don't know... I wanted to pretend it wasn't real. But every time Steve came I remembered that it WAS real and I was just... **so _fucking _scared**..."

Zack's heart clenched when he pictured little 13 yr old Cody Martin being touched by Steve. He pictured Cody too scared to tell anyone, trying to forget it was real. Zack hated Cody's description of the event. How scared he was. When Zack pictured Steve raping Cody, fear was never the emotion that came to mind, until now. Zack knew now, EXACTLY how Cody felt.

Zack shut his eyes tightly, and opened them again. Before thinking about it, he pulled Cody around, and did something he hadn't done in two years. He hugged him.

Surprisingly, Cody hugged back, as if his life depended on it, and finally, two years of pain escaped him. He let out one small sob, and another and another. Zack felt his T-shirt getting somewhat wet from his tears, but he didn't mention it. Instead, he continued to finally comfort his brother, something he should've done a long time ago.

"Thanks" Cody whispered.

"No problem. I love ya, man." Zack said.

After a small pause, Cody gave a small grin and whispered back, "Love you too."

**A/N: let me just take the time to say that this is my absolute favorite chapter ive written so far. im not normally into the whole 'siblings love each other' thing, but this i thought was just wayyy too cute to pass up. and if you guys didnt like this chapter id be devestated because i actually worked hard on this one, trying to capture emotions. well, you know what to do. push the blue button and REVIEW!!**


	8. Chapter 9

**A/N: Guys, i am soooo sorry that i havent updated in...idk how long. at first it was just because i forgot, but when i remembered, my stupid Documents Manager thingy wouldnt let me submit again. it wouldve been up almost a week ago if not for that. so... enjoy!**

**Chapter Nine**

"Hi Mom! I was raped by your boyfriend two years ago!" Cody said to himself into the mirror the next morning as he was getting ready for school. That definitely would not be the way to break the news to her.

"Steve's excellent in bed, don't you think? I found out a couple years ago through an unfortunate incident..." Nope. That wouldn't cut it either. It was a lost cause.

Cody sighed to himself, and pushed his blonde and dyed black hair to the side of his face perfecting his emo look, and got ready to go to school.

Maybe he just wouldn't ever tell his mom. That plan had worked well for him so far.

CZCZCZ

Cody sat in class, thinking about yesterday. Zack knew now. Knew about Steve raping him. But what exactly did that change? Steve still raped him, he still had those memories, he still smoked pot as much as possible, hooked up with girls... but somehow, it was comforting that someone knew. It was as if now that Zack, the person he was closest to, was finally told, he could start to finally move on with life.

Cody was sick of it, he always was dwelling in the past. Why? Because he had no one to turn to. It was an emotional topic, but he would now force himself to move on. He would never allow himself to smoke pot again. He would never burn his arms intentionally again. He would never allow himself to have sex again. Okay... well, he would never randomly hook up with a girl again.

The teacher's voice floated through the air, announcing midterms in one week. Midterms. Cody realized that he passed freshman year with merely B's... declining to C's and one D. And this year, still C's and D's. He could pull it up. He could get his grade point average to high honor roll if he studied. But it wouldn't be a perfect 4.0 average. Nothing could change that.

Cody felt a sinking feeling in his stomach. He wouldn't get into HarvardPrinctonYale... his life dream. He wouldn't have given a fuck about that even a week ago... but he was finally ready to reenter the world where college mattered and life goes on.

He pondered, was it worth pulling up his grades to go to a college that WASN'T HarvardPrinctonYale? He nodded slowly to himself. He made his decision. He would ace the midterms, even if it meant relearning the entire sophomore year this week, doing nothing but eating, studying, sleeping, and smoking. No smoking, he reminded himself. He needed to push himself. He needed the grades. Who cared about the pressure he was putting on himself? He deserved it. He deserved the pain.

CZCZCZ

Zack sat at his bed that night, thinking. Yesterday, it was about the most life changing day ever for him. He found out about Cody's Incident, he liked to call it.

But something drifted to his mind. Something Max had said_. "You weren't giving me any, so..." _Zack though about it. Sex. He could do it, right?

Clearly, Max was expecting it. She got it from his brother, and she wasn't even freaking dating him! He and Max were BARELY together right now, their relationship ready to fall apart. Maybe sex was the one thing that could seal their relationship.

Zack stood up, ready to scrounge the room for Cody's condoms, which he know Cody must have if he was out having sex with millions of girls. Luckily, he found them in one of the first hiding spots he could think of. Under the socks in the sock drawer. Frankly, he was surprised that he didn't find them unintentionally a couple months ago.

He pocketed one, and set out to Max's, with a determined look on his face, trying to calm his nerves and trepidition.

CZCZCZ

Zack knocked on the door, and before Max could even say hello, he kissed her hard in the mouth.

The two pulled away, breathless when Max finally greeted him.

"Do I even need to ask if your parents are home?" Zack asked.

Max grinned. "They're working like always, so nope."

Zack pulled the condom out of his pocket. "Then I have something special planned for the two of us tonight."

She squealed delightedly, and kissed him on the cheek. Zack knew that this WOULD be the thing that sealed the relationship. And he did his best to fight the feelings of uneasiness floating to his brain.

CZCZCZ

Zack was on top of Max, fumbling with her bra strap, trying to undo it with his hands. He was shaking because he was so worried that he would do something to upset Max. What if he was horrible at sex? What if he hurt her? What if his dick was too small? WHAT IF SHE PREFERRED CODY?! And a feeling of dread and regret of this decision was settling in his stomach. After thirty seconds of trying to get her bra off, Max finally took pity on the boy and took off her shirt and bra herself.

Zack looked at the sight in front of him, and suddenly got a dry mouth. But at the same time, he questioned himself- did he really want to have sex tonight? It seemed...forced and even though his girlfriend was getting naked in front of him, he wasn't enjoying it. He kept picturing Cody doing the same thing with Max...except masterfully done. And he got a fleeting image in his mind of Cody and Steve. Zack reminded himself- his girlfriend was not wearing a bra and was holding a condom. But did he REALLY want to have sex tonight? It was a crazy question, really. Here he was, with a girl who totally wanted to have sex with him, something that he dreamed about frequently, but when he really thought about it, this isn't what he wanted. Not tonight.

He wasn't Cody. He wasn't about to fuck random girls because it felt good, and as Zack thought of how great it would feel, his mind almost changed again, but how that he decided that he wasn't going to fuck Max, he was going to stick to it. He was going to tell Max he changed his mind. He didn't want to screw things up even more between them. Max was almost like his best friend- except with tits. He would hate to lose her because of something that happened between her and CODY.

Max pressed her lips against his once more, and Zack felt her bare chest against his. His hormones were going haywire... but he needed to get out of there. He knew sex tonight was a mistake. Zack wouldn't lose his virginity tonight, just because Cody did.

He stared at the topless Max as he pulled away from her, knowing it could be the last time (also his first) he saw her like that. Wearing nothing but a pair of jeans. To be perfectly honest, it turned him on, but he just wasn't ready. He wasn't ready for sex. It was too... intimate... right now. And for some reason, Cody getting raped flashed through his head again. Sex at this point in his life just wasn't what he needed.

"Max." He said finally. "I'm sorry, but I'm not ready."

She looked at him, with a completely crestfallen face. Disappointment and anger written all over it. "What?! I thought you said that tonight—"

"Well, as it turns out, I'm not ready. So, forgive me if I'm not ready to lose my virginity at age fifteen. I've got a lot of things on my mind right now." He said coolly.

"So you think I'm some sort of slut?!"

"I didn't—"

"You thought you could date me and just do what you want with me, whenever, with no thought to MY feelings, to what I wanted?"

"No, I—"

"Maybe I'll go back to your brother instead. He knew what a girl liked. He knew what felt good. For me AND him. Quite frankly, he was a MUCH better catch."

Max threw Zack's shirt out the door and pointed her finger, indicating she was kicking Zack out. It was odd how intimidating a topless angry girl could be.

Zack grabbed his shirt and stormed away, feeling nothing but anger and resentment towards his brother. If it wasn't for Cody, he never would've felt like he had to have sex with Max in the first place, and he never would've compared himself to his brother. He never would've felt this jealous that his girlfriend/best friend liked Cody A LOT more than him, he never would have wasted this week and his emotions on STUPID FUCKING Cody...

CZCZCZ

Cody was lying at home, on the living room couch, with, for the first time in a year and a half, his text books open. And he was studying his brains out.

Zack stormed through the door, and Cody looked up. His older twin was steaming angry, and walked right up to him, and punched him clean in the face.

Cody tumbled off the couch from the impact, and jumped back up again. If he was surprised, he didn't show it. Instead, his fought back, landing two solid punches, and blocking Zack's. Cody punched him again, and Zack tripped over the coffee table, falling to the ground.

"What the FUCK was that about??" Cody shouted to his brother on the ground.

"You screwed EVERYTHING up between me and Max. EVERYTHING."

"Geez, I SAID I was sorry."

"Well, sorry doesn't fix this, now does it?" Zack stood up again and threw another punch unexpectedly.

"Sonofabitch!" Cody swung back at him, hitting him even in the stomach. Cody grunted back.

"Saying sorry doesn't fix jackshit!"

Zack tried to kick him, before Cody continued with a punch. Cody responded."Anyways, it's not my fault that you can't even patch things up with YOUR girl. Don't pin it on me."

Zack punched him again, and Cody blocked it. "What would YOU know about girls anyways, _you've had sex with a man, you fag_!"

Cody suddenly drew back, as though punched in the stomach, despite the fact that Zack hadn't touched him. Physically, that is. He turned silently away, to his room, slamming and locking the door behind him.

Zack cursed silently under his breath, before calling out, "Cody? I'm fucking sorry, I didn't mean it."

But it was too late, it was too late to take his misplaced words back.

**REVIEW??? yes, like most authors, i DO reward ppl with cookies.**

**A/N: this is the last authors note, i swear. id just like to say three things. **

**first, i dont own suite life of zack and cody. i realized that most ppl have a disclaimer, and id hate to get sued although its highly unlikley. **

**second, I LOVE MY REVIEWERS!!! seriously, when i check to see if i have any new reviews, seeing words that say im a great author really make me happy.**

**last, idk about me updating soon. i have a feeling that ill be putting off posting this next chapter, because after that, i only have half a chapter written. ive had up to chapter 9 written since i first started posting the story, and now its a matter of actually figuring out how to get to the ending of this story that i want. basically, my plotline is very fuzzy on the details, and idk about any romances thrown in there. so if you have any suggestions, let me know. and no, it wont end like my other Suite Life fic, so dont worry. so thats that, and i hope you liked the new chapter!!! **

**PS!! okay THIS is the last thing. not only will i be taking suggestions on romances, but on the issue: should carey martin ever find out that cody was raped? i really will use your input!**


	9. Chapter 10

**ok so its been what...two months? i know, i know. theres no excuse. since this has been sitting on my computer the whole time. i just thought i was going to get an insperation or something. i kind of did, but i hated it and deleted it all. **

**so im sure you guys actually arent reading my authors note, and probably have forgotten about this story already...**

**Chapter Ten**

Zack didn't see Cody for almost two weeks- all through the midterms, besides glances of him in the hallway. He didn't know where Cody went at night, or what types of lies he was feeding his mother in order for her to believe that he wasn't getting into trouble.

The school bell rang, and he saw Cody grinning ear to ear, coming out of a classroom near his, holding a piece of paper.

Cody looked at his science midterm. AN A FUCKING PLUS!! Science was always his strong suite, but this was incredible. The twenty hours of studying for science alone paid off. He also got A's on all the other midterms, but the A+ was the best. He was back to the top of the class.

He felt an arm on his shoulder. He turned and saw his teacher Ms. Bradshaw and the principal behind her. "Cody Martin?"

He looked slightly confused but replied. "Yeah?"

"Come with me."

Cody trailed behind the two teachers to the principal's office, all the more puzzled. He hadn't smoked pot for almost 2 weeks, no one could've caught him doing that...so what was left? He hadn't cut class...

"Cody, midterms are important, but you needn't cheat."

His head snapped up, unbelievingly. They thought he CHEATED?

The principal continued. "I talked to the rest of your teachers, and you got some form of A or B in their classes. That isn't as suspicious as the almost perfect score in science, but still. There was a rumor of answer guides were stolen—"

"And just because I'm the troubled kid that never gets A's you jump to conclusions that I would do something as drastic as breaking into the school and stealing answer guides? Judging from my report cards, why would I even care enough about grades to risk being caught doing that?"

"But Mr. Martin...an A+? That's just not realistic."

"You wanna KNOW what's not realistic? I used to get fucking A+'s on my report cards...you can even see that first marking period of freshman year. But see the decline? You have NO idea what my life was fucking like! And because I wanted to get back to the perfect grade point average by studying my ass off this past two weeks, I get blamed for cheating? I don't BELIEVE this school. I don't FUCKING believe it."

"LANGUAGE, Mr. Martin." The principal continued as if he hadn't heard Cody's loud outburst about his old 4.5 GPA. "We will be contacting your mother about this incident to see her view on the cheating. She can further punish you for your wrong doings."

"You know what, Mr. Principal? Call her. She knows just about as much as you do about me. She thinks I'm still her perfect, brilliant, angel. And the fact that I pretty much don't live at home anymore adds to that. So here's what I think of that." Cody stuck his middle finger up at the principal, and then reached into his backpack, and pulled out a folder, and threw it on the principal's desk before slamming the door behind him.

In the folder was all his study guides filled out extensively with details, and his old report cards (he kept them in his study folder for inspiration) filled with glowing teacher's comments like the ones in the beginning of eighth grade...

"_I am thoroughly pleased to have Cody Martin in my class. He is as brilliant and as hard-working as all his other teachers have expressed in the past. Cody is one of the few pupils of mine that I would expect to make it to the very top and succeed in anything that he sets his genius mind to..." _

And leading to the beginning of ninth grade, while Carey was dating Steve...

"_I am concerned about Cody, he doesn't seem as cheerful as he used to, and I've noticed his work has been slacking, if he bothers to complete it at all anymore. This is unusual, and I only bring this up because of my concern for the boy. He is one of my favorite students of all time...but is there something going on at home, or some sort of conflict going on in his life?" _

And that's when the almost perfect report cards stopped. It went downhill from there. Cody would've liked to see his principal's face when he saw that Cody wasn't lying. He DID used to be a first-class nerd, one student to raise the entire high school's average GPA.

Cody walked angrily away from school, hands stuffed in his pockets. His left hand came into contact with something familiar. He pulled it out of his pocket. It was a joint.

He hadn't lit up for almost two whole weeks- the TORTURE it was to resist it... but he thought about the principal accusing him of fucking CHEATING, and lit it in spite of him. What would Mr. Big Bad Principle think of him now?

Cody remembered every video he saw on drugs. He knew what he was doing to his body, but the fact that being high made everything seem better, and made everything a little more bearable.

That, and he just couldn't stop smoking them. He was addicted.

Xoxoxoxoxo

Maddy walked down the street, heading home from school and bumped into yet another sad pot-smoking kid. "Sorry! I wasn't watching where I was going!" She said to him.

He turned around. "S'okay Maddy."

"Cody?!"

He looked at her, as if saying _what now?_

"I-uh-you're smoking pot."

"Really? I had no idea!! Thanks for the heads up. I thought they were candy cigarettes!"

She rolled her eyes. "No need to make fun of me."

The two started walking down the sidewalk together- both heading to the Tipton.

"So..." Maddy began. "Did you ever work out that problem that you had when you ran away and slept at my place?"

Pointedly avoiding the question, Cody asked, "So what's new with you since we fucked?"

"I guess that's a no. I like your shirt. Very ironic." She was referring to his anti-drug DARE shirt, from his elementary school days, so it was tight on him. It complimented the joint in his right hand extremely well.

For the first time in a long time, she saw Cody grin. "Yeah, I figured it was like a big FUCK YOU to the education system. They blamed me for cheating on the midterms and stealing the answer guides."

Maddy ruffled his hair affectionately. "I know you wouldn't do that. You're Cody the smart one."

He flicked the butt of his joint onto the sidewalk muttering, "more like Cody the Fucked Up one.."

Cody opened the doors to the Tipton. "After you, Miss Fitzpatrick."

Maddy rolled her eyes, but walked in first anyways.

"Well I'm going to the Fuck Up room. Talk to you later."

"I wasn't aware that Mr. Moseby added a Fuck Up room to the hotel. I swear I never saw it on any of the brochures."

"Nah, its just some extra room in the basement of the hotel that has a bunch of mattresses. So I bring weed and beer and get fucked up in there. Or I bring a girl and get REALLY fucked up."

"Sounds pleasant."

"Maybe I'll show you it some time,"

"What are you trying to convey by that comment?" Maddie asked coyly.

"Whatever you want it to convey, babe." He winked and turned to leave.

Maddy shook her head at his retreating form. That Cody Martin sure knew what to say to get into a girl's pants. If he were to keep it up, it just might work.

Xoxoxoxoxoxo

Cody sat in his Fuck Up room, holding a joint. He stared moodily through the haze of smoke and thought to himself.

_I study and get A's, try my best to turn my life around, stop smoking, and of COURSE that wouldn't work for me. I don't think I can ever go back to being the innocent Cody Martin. Over 20 hours of studying for no good reason. Fuck that. _

He poured himself a drink of beer and toasted to himself. "Here's to all A's on my midterms." His voice sounded hollow and emotionless, echoing throughout the empty room.

**Author's Note**

**reveiws, comments, cookies, and money are all accepted. and i do also take mastercard. **

**Reviews are VERY much welcome. especcially now that i need as much inspiration i can get. so if you feel inclined to say something more than "gj update soon" and share your insight and whatever and what you would like to happen in the story, or something provocative, i would love you forever. especcially at night.**

**xoxoKaren**


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